Sunday, August 28, 2005
When friends are no longer friends...(part 1)
The guy was standing at the junction, looking down on the lifeless corpse of his friend. Blood was ebbing out of the friend’s mouth, and his body was twisted into a grotesque shape. Slowly, a pool of blood was already forming under the friend’s body. There was a sinister smile on the guy’s face, and it was a smile of satisfaction, a smile of pure happiness.
2 weeks back, the guy had finally made up his mind. He had been after a girl for quite long. She was everything he had wanted in a girl. Sweet, helpful, caring, she was all of it. Finally, he had come to a stage where he managed to muster up his courage to confess to the girl. He decided to ask the girl out the very next weekend and then confess his feelings to the girl. And the best thing is, the girl had agreed to go out with him.
His close friend had already known about his plan too. And he edged him on, encouraging him to go for it. In the past, whenever the guy had needed help in getting stuff for the girl, he had help out in whatever way he can. And at this critical juncture, he encouraged the guy on. The guy felt truly grateful that he had such good friend and it was his fortune to have met and known the friend.
However, unknown to the guy, the friend too had designs on the girl. Even though he knew that the guy was pretty much in love with the girl, he still made his move on the girl. He slowly got close to her, ask her out, chauffer her around and make himself as helpful to the girl as possible. All these happened while the guy was still kept in the dark.
Eventually, the guy suspected that something was wrong with the friend and decided to ask around. He managed to confirm the friend’s intention and alas, was he shocked. He was shocked that someone whom he had call friend actually backstabbed him in the back. He could never believe that he actually thought of the friend as his good friend all these while. He had made a terrible misjudgment and this misjudgment might jolly well cost him his chance with the girl of his dreams. He was not going to take it lying down.
He asked his friend out for dinner 3 days before his big day. He confronted the friend. And the friend, very “graciously” admitted he too was interested in the girl, but would wait until the guy had finish confessing to her before he make his move. The guy was super irate by the fact that the friend had already started making his move but still pretend to be a gentleman. He saw red and a huge row broke out. They got into a scuffle and were hustled out of the restaurant they were eating at.
Outside, the struggling continued. The friend pretended to be the nice guy and offered to be hit by the guy if that could appeased him, but that action only infuriate the guy even more. It only showed that the person he had once thought of as his good friend was a backstabbing phony. Just then, the guy spotted a car speeding along the road, and without thinking, he give a great push to the guy….
The guy was standing at the junction, looking down on the lifeless corpse of his friend. Blood was ebbing out of the friend’s mouth, and his body was twisted into a grotesque shape. Slowly, a pool of blood was already forming under the friend’s body. There was a sinister smile on the guy’s face, and it was a smile of satisfaction, a smile of pure happiness. He knew that he had won….
------------------------------------End of Part 1-------------------------------------------
4:09 AM
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
double trouble....
hmmm...i never know the human eye can be so sharp...can detect trouble within me...i thot i did a good job of hiding it..but apparently not... somehow...ppl can detect the troubles tt i am undergoing...oh well...they are juz good...and i'm glad tt i have such frenz..cuz it shows tt they care...at least..oh well...when a word of concern from the person u wanted juz dun appear....we have to settle for 2nd best...no..frenz are the best...
2:48 AM
Sunday, August 21, 2005
solace or sanctuary...i need a asylum
my brain has been overworking... it has been working and working throughout the nite...thinking of endless possibilities...endless outcome to a niggling prob... i dunno why is there such a probz when there is nothing much to it anyway...it should have been a thing of the past...but some stuffz juz can't be easily forgotten i guess... much as i would like to...if it matters to u..you wont want to forget...and sometimes...it juz matters too damn much..tt's why it has became a pain in ur heart...but knowing u'll eventualli kill urself with the pain...u refuse to let it go... guess i'll juz die with the pain in my heart ba...heart attack...
am physicalli back at home..but mentali..i'm lost... i have no idea where i should be...wat i should be doing... sometimes is like mabbe to be permenantly in slumber seems like a way out...itz escapism..but still...itz a escape... and home is supposed to be a sanctuary where ppl can find solace...apparently...itz not so to me...not at this point of time... mind is a big whirr...clicking, clanking forever...tormenting me with constant nitemares... guess mabbe tt's why i resort to drinking... used to think tt drinking should oni be for the correct reasons... and tt's celebration...but now...i dun see aniting worth celebrating... somehow the world has become greyish n lost itz color...sianz... i dun think i pressed any buttons to make my world in greyscale...but its juz so...damnz..damnz damnz...i feel depressed..i wish i can tell u everything...but i juz cant...argh...
Cravings: You
Desire: Peace
Philosophy: Ctrl + Shift + U ( tt's shortcut for desaturation of foto in photo..make it black n white)
12:58 AM
Saturday, August 13, 2005
lesson learnt...
hmmm...was in a damn terrible state yesterdae...this is wat i realli call had a drop too much..okiez...not realli a drop...you couldn't realli sae 11 glasses plus 3 jugs to be a drop.... itz a whole new record high for mi... never in my life did i behave like wat i did yesterdae...
it was a total flop...i broke down totally...cried n cried like never before....all the 7yrs worth of missing, 7yrs worth of unspoken lonliness....it was all gushing forth like a fountain... all because i lost him...
but luckily..there's this bunch of ppl ard me...comforted me... gimme a hug when i need it the most... who were with me when i'm down... i guess this is wat we call true frenz... sometimes true frenz appeared in the most unexpected places and times and u will then realli appreciate them... thanx a million to u guys....
and the lesson learnt: I've lost one...but I've gained many..
12:36 PM
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
there is no happy ending to life...
went to watch charlie n the choco factory yesterdae...dun like the ending...somehow the ending is juz too perfect...i know..itz supposed to be from a children's book..but still i hate the ending...juz too perfect n happy for me...i guess that makes me a pessimist..but so far...i haven seen anything that suprises me yet... perhaps tt's the good point of being a pessimist...
even when i back in hall, i came to a realization... everyone is indeed plagued by problems... beneath all the smiley faces and laughter, everyone does indeed has their problems... had a mad drinking session with a buddy... 2 of us drank abt half a bottle of vodka...hahaha...damn shiok..drinking brings out the best in ppl...hahaah...or worst in our case...hahahah
and the worst thing still...i had a dream...or rather a nitemare...to me la... dreamt of a interceptor name Liheng who came out of nowhere to snatch away my dream gal... see...itz so vivid rite...even got a name to the character...wonder if it is a premonition...err...hopez not ba...mmm...juz to be on the safe side...shall kill all lihengs in the world ba...
i shall forfeit my liver for the drunken state of mind...muahahhaah
1:45 PM
Monday, August 08, 2005
senseless ranting...
mmmm...totally cannot sleep last nite...thoughts were just rushing thru my head like a train...endless possiblilities...endless endings tt i foresee in my life... all that i wanted..or thot i wanted...sometimes thinking too much is a scary thing...somehow it drains your spirits and end up denying your own existance...izzit realli true...there is no meaning in life at all...unless u find something interesting to do... mmmm...kinda true to mi...though i din find anything interesting to do... tt means i not living at all ba..
1:28 PM
Thursday, August 04, 2005
the 7 yr itch
7 years le...or rather...going onto the 7th year...come aug 15, it will be the 7th year since u left me... i know i should be getting on with my life, concentrating on my studies etc...but still...life is no longer the same without you around... i know i will be happier if you are still around me...200%... though u cannot realli help me with all my probz...but at least ur presence is enough to calm my soul... the more i grow...the more i miss you... i realli reallli realli hope tt u can see me grow up... to see me start my own family...to see ah yong grow up... but still...u are no longer around...all the things tt i want u to see...u can't see them anymore...i know u hate to leave us...but u were forced to.... but it juz came as too fast...too sudden... after 7 years...and it was still sudden to me.... damn it...i realli hated god fer taking u away frm mi.... perhaps itz a relief to u...for it hurts me to see u suffering while i cannot do a thing... i hate myself for not spending more time with you...for not listening to you....for making you angry... for every little wrong things i done....i realli hate myself...i din treasure the last 2 years when u were around... and oni til now i start to regret.... itz too late...itz juz too late... i trird to be strong..i reali tried...at least in front of mom...so tt she wunt worry...but deep down i know...she miss u as much as i do... damn...how i wish u were still here.....but i know...itz juz tt impossible....
2:35 AM
Monday, August 01, 2005
我爱的人
我爱的人歌手:
陈小春 专辑:
抱一抱我知道故事不会太曲折
我总会遇见一个什么人
陪我过没有了她的人生
成家立业之类的等等
她做了她觉得对的选择
我只好祝福她真的对了
爱不到我最想要爱的人
谁还能要我怎样呢
我爱的人不是我的爱人
她心里每一寸都属于另一个人
她真幸福幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨她的爱怎么那么深
我爱的人她已有了爱人
从他们的眼神说明了我不可能
每当听见她或他说「我们」
就像听见爱情永恒的嘲笑声
2:46 AM
mmm...motivated
okiez...am motivated...i guess...mabbe i realli need to keep myself bz to keep my mind from roaming...yeah..i think i subscribe to auto roaming...veri easily, the mind juz roam into some unknow region n dunno start thinking of wat...mabbe tt's why i have all those wierd dreamz...hahah... working is good for me i guess...can get money...can dun think of wierd things...
muahaha
okiez..shall enjoy my work tml...
2:12 AM
