Wednesday, January 31, 2007
lethargic....
been feeling damn lethargic the past few days...think it's my debt for not sleeping much last week....unable to keep awake at all...den feeling kinda sickly...damn... can feel sore throat building up, and tt's always the start of something major.... skipped 2 lessons too...not a good sign...damn...for now, back to sleep...argh....
"when you say nothing at all..."
MOTD: sickly
3:37 PM
of self-centeredness and motivation....
sometimes, i realised it's easier to be selfish...okiez...mabbe not easier...but u'll start to have more motivation when u do things for ur ownself instead of doing it for others... when u know it's for ur own self, u'll tend to push harder, be more consistent and not give up doing certain things so easily... whereas when u are doing it for others, u'll simply quit and give up cause u know u will not be the one being affected by it much.... so is it reali worth it to be selfish and just do things for urself? i guess it's worth it...
keeping ppl outside my world, my train of thoughts, my innermost feelings... i prevent ppl from entering the sadness in the world i see, i feel and experience... why let others be unhappy when there's only need for 1 person to be unhappy... isolation dun really matters much when u can keep yourself occupied... and u know it's all for your own good... and mabbe for the good of others... or mabbe it's for self protection...
some frens do ask me, why do i not share my thoughts, and sometimes i keep lotsa things unsaid... ain't it hard on myself that way since i do not share problems etc?? and i do know for a fact that frens will be willing to share ur problems and help out...at least true frens does... but to load others with my prob, nah..no way... not my style.. everyone has their fair share of probs, why bother others with my own... and letting ppl know your probs, your thoughts...seems to put urself at a vulnerable position where it's easy to be exploited...
perhaps, i need more self protection than i think...
friends are like leaves, found everywhere...real friends are like diamonds, precious and rare...but to find someone, whom i bare my soul...you complete me, and make me whole..."in life, numbers ain't that important after all..."MOTD: moody
3:47 AM
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
fear
you know...wat is it that people feel when they are all alone... what do ppl think of when they are enveloped by darkness, reaching out and yet unable to see aniting... what is it that you will feel when you are in such a situation...
for starters, try closing your eyes... make sure there's absolutely no sources of light and imagine yourself falling deeper and deeper into the darkness.... what do you think of now?? is there the possibility of light at the end of the darkness? if you were to continue falling into that eternal darkness, would you be afraid? kinda morbid at this thoughts...
and also, was doing some thinking after hearing lotsa things from the ppl ard me.... somehow, when a r/s fails, and if it fails because of the girl, it always boil down to 2 things...
1. there's another guy
2. the boyfren is a bastard
however, whenever i heard of breaking up between my frens and the guy is apparently not a bastard...first thought that springs to mind is tt: the gf's a bitch..and is absolutely lying about not having a new guy... okiez..it's a extremist view, but feel free to prove me wrong if you think otherwise...
that brings down to the next thing... sometimes, love just ain't enuf to sustain a r/s... modern ppl talk freedom of love, the freedom to pursue your love ones... and yet, there are still breakups, divorces and such...if 2 person are deeply in love, doesn't it means tt they can stay tog ?? as the cliche goes, love overcomes everything...
on a retrospective, looking at the olden generations where marriage last like decades and forever, their get together are often thru match-making or parents decide for them... so what is it that makes ppl stay tog? is it love?? or is it something else....this problem kinda elude me and i have absolutely no idea on wat it is...perhaps once enlightened, i might know what in the world am i looking for... (i doubt twin u can help mi on this)...
perhaps i'm looking for the eternity in a r/s... that's why the horoscope will decree i'm gonna married only thru matchmaking... and i guess... love ain't the answer that i want... for i believe, with other stuffz(i duno wat), comes love...and love does not neccessary leads to other stuffz...
"pretty words alone does not change the world...but you rock my world.."
MOTD: pissed...
2:10 AM
Friday, January 19, 2007
wierd...
woke up this morning feeling damn weird...had a weird dream...
dreamt of food in the boon lay market...den no just cannot reach to order since the queue was never ending... by the time it finally reach me..it sold out...
is it cuz of the excessive running and inability to eat that cause such a phenomenon?? all i can say is weird...what makes it worst is that...no matter how much i wanna see you, arrange to meet you in the dream...something just had to crop up.. and everytime i'll just missed you by a bit...argh... sucky feeling...let's hope the rest of the day will be good...
"it takes 2 hands to clap, but u can always slap your own face with 1 of your own hand..."MOTD: sucky
9:28 AM
Thursday, January 18, 2007
tired...
been keeping up with the constant running and training... veri tiring man... but at least seeing improvement in the things...ahh...siong siong....muz endure still though... the worst part is not being able to eat... argh...
sch's been fine too...quite fun the lesson this sem..although all 4 hrs seminar..siong oso...but this is one good sem that i love the lessons..haha....all cool n good tutors...mostly that is... ah...zzz zzz...
"did you ever know i had my eyes on you..."
MOTD: shag out
4:00 AM
Friday, January 12, 2007
mmmm....
one week din post le...busy because of sch..and training..been running fairly consistently...past few daes went for like a 10 rd, 199 route and a 12 rounds track...damn fun to be running long distance...hopefully it'll help mi in my quest to get into shape...and no...round is not a shape that i want..dun gimme crap abt how round is a shape too... i dun believe in that...
past few daes were good n simple...as long as got things to do...life is easy to get by...
but when there's nothing to do like now...mmmm.... i'm stranded in my own fantasy world...
oh..do check out supernatural...quite a decent show...fiction of course...unless u believe deeply in the world of demons..and supernatural...
"to be nice is to show others what they want to see and hide what you don't want them to see..."
MOTD: brrr....
4:14 AM
Friday, January 05, 2007
untitled
living a life, living a lie,i can't differentiate...wanting to live, wanting to die, simply can't appreciate...some say you, some say I,to love or to hate...just once, i wish, i would,if only i could...chance for change, chance to strive,but you give me nought"perhaps some battles are better not fought...somebody is better not got..."
5:50 AM
loooong nite...
ahh...another long nite of dai dee...no win no loss...boring...everynite gamble... feels like the cny is here man....but it's still away in 2 months time...ah well... year of the pig = 24 yrs old...24 and nothing accomplished...not a good sign...ah well...new new new start ba... let's hope this yr will be a good one... though still no good feeling...but according to horoscopes from my twin...hopefully it will be ba...
"a calm surface does not means that there's no turbulence underneath..."MOTD: thoughtful
5:21 AM
Thursday, January 04, 2007
winning and losing...
everyone loves a winner...and everyone loves to be winners...of course..who would like to face the shame of losing and be called a loser...and lose the chance to gloat at losers... however, often in our pursuit to be winners, we lose track of the cost that's involved in winning...of course...in aniting, there's bound to be winners and losers....and winners of course will be at the loser expense... but wat if u win something and lose other things...will it be worth it?? as the saying goes, so what if i win the whole world but lose you... will it be worth it...
mabbe subconsciously, i'll rather be a loser than winner...i'll rather not have the world... i'll just want a small portion of it...where i can be near....
"living a lie is tiring...to prevent that...dun lie..."MOTD: neutral
2:54 AM
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
happy new year...
happy new year ppl...itz finalli 2007...went to countdown at vivo on new year's eve... took quite a few photos..but photos later...wait for next update ba...for now...feeling abit arty farty...shall write a poem...ermm....i think it is a poem ba...since it rhymes...but no iambic or wat nought...oh...and since the new year is here...from now on entries shall include the usual quote and a MOTD(mood of the day)
to the you of the future, i dedicated this poem to:
I wanna...i wanna sit in the bus, and watch the world past me by....i wanna stare out of the windows, and see the raindrops from the sky...i wanna lie in the open field, and watch the dandelion fly...i wanna listen for you, and be there whenever you cry...i wanna be near you, and look at you eye to eye...i wanna hold your hand, and fly among the stars so high...i wanna be true, and never tell you lies...i wanna you to be with me, even til the day i die...MOTD: hungry (hungry can be a mood..IMO)"life is just amazing, for you never know when it ends..."
3:35 AM
